So I approached Professor Marshall about possibly submitting some original work to the blog, and whether or not it would be appropriate, as the author of this work is not a multicultural woman. He stated that if we could tie the work to some aspect of the class, it would be appropriate.
When Jamila Woods came in and did that brief writer's workshop, you recall that she loved my idea behind poetry that stems from a single thought or emotion. We earlier discussed this kind of "poetic thesis", and that good poetry can be reduced to a sort of one line summary. In the future, I'll apply this one-line analysis to some of the work we've seen.
For this poem, my sort of thesis is in respect to belonging to a group that is not only typically conformist, but also one that is usually not exclusionist in nature. The sensation that sort of described this was a brief image I had while driving of a bunch of starlings in a sunset sky.
I see Starlings- thousands of them
A black cloud, swaying and shifting through the sky
The cloud moves like water, with each little bird following those around him
There is no true beginning or end, just a mass of life
Suddenly, it splits
Some go here, others go there,
These birds flock in the truest sense of the word
Clinging to each other for companionship and security
As the clouds reform, I see one little bird, moving as fast as it can to rejoin his brothers
They make no effort to slow, he begins to lag behind more and more
I look and reflect
And realize,
This is me.
Again, if those of you don't feel that this is appropriate for our class' blog, let me know and I'll remove this.
I think that it is about time that we see some actual poetry by some of us. After all, this is a class focused on poetry and other creative work, we just happen to be analyzing it.
ReplyDeleteI hate to be someone who would criticize another person's work, especially if this isn't a class that is focused on critiquing. A peer at the writer's workshop at Kenyon I attended a few years ago once said that criticizing one's poetry was liking "killing someone else's baby". While that still sticks with me, I will only give you some wise words that Prof. Hudson gave me in regards to my own writing: "Play the word game". But your work down to its essence as much as you can, without the work losing its meaning, of course. He used to get on me so much about my lack of clarity in using big words, when the work needed to be simple to be effective. Make it plain, Reverend (stolen from Prof. Marshall, I admit, but I think that it is a relevant statement).
This is a sentiment I may extend to you regarding this work, without going into burdensome detail about what I THINK may be changed.
If there is anything that the Creative Writing class taught me, and stemming from my own experience, it is that works can always be revised overtime, and you take pleasure from it in the process.
Thanks, Brand. This is something Immanuel critiqued me on, that it was just a little wordy. I'm totally open to criticism and possible revisions from peers, that's why I threw it up here.
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